It was another one of those sunny days in California, where the sea birds are flying high and everyone has a smile on their face. Classes would be over soon and students would be flocking to the beaches like hornets to a nest. But there was one person that wouldn’t be. Not today, not any day in fact.
He walked alone to class, keeping his eyes low and out the meaningless stares of curiosity. Sitting in the back was now his favorite spot, not wanting to be bothered by anyone.
The final minutes ticked away aimlessly with every movement of the large hand on the clock. His eyes moved between the two points; from pen in hand to the front of the room. He would catch the professor’s gaze once in awhile but quickly shifted his eyes away. Then it happened, everyone was putting their things away and getting up to leave. Final shout outs about assignments and other things could be heard from the assistant but nobody cared to listen. Collecting his own things, the quiet boy stood up to leave.
“Carter?”
Lifting his eyes, they were met with his professor’s. “Yes?”
“Can I have a word with you?”
There was an exchange of nods and then a request to move somewhere a little more private, perhaps the office. The two walked together towards the back room, a few students bidding the professor a good weekend and a farewell before the room was completely empty.
“What do you need to talk to me about sir?”
“Go ahead and sit down,” The professor suggested pointing towards one of the two leather chairs in front of his desk. He walked around the large oak furniture before sitting down in his own chair, swiveling it around to face his student. He watched as the young blonde haired boy many called “changed” sit down and stare at him with awkward eyes.
“You’re not in trouble,” The older man laughed, hoping to ease some of the tension that seemed to fill the room. Nick didn’t reply but merely fidgeted in his seat, book bag rested unsteadily in his lap.
Leaning on his desk, the man folded his hands. He quickly glanced down at his wedding ring and then looked back up at the nervous boy. “Nick I’m concerned…”
“About what sir?” Nick interrupted. He bit the inside of his lower lip, his eyes moving about the room in a darting fashion much like a scared bird would.
Sighing, the professor leaned back in his seat and let his hands fall into his lap. “Your grades are slipping. I went back and looked over your records. You were a straight A student at the beginning of the year. And now…you’re barely at a C average. You’re wonderfully talented and I would hate to see you drop out of art school just because you lost financial aid or any tuition income you have because of your grades.”
The man stopped talking and looked at Nick curiously. “Did you say something?”
Nick nodded and then whispered again, “I have it under control.”
“Care to explain what happened?” The man questioned in a concerned voice. “You can talk to me about anything.”
Shaking his head back and forth quickly, Nick replied that it wasn’t a big deal anymore. He began to stand up when he heard the professor say something he had hoped he wouldn’t hear.
“I know what happened Nick…between you and Brandon Clark. So much gossip was going around school, the teachers were kind of forced to have a low profiled faculty meeting about it.”
Nick laughed pitifully, standing up the rest of the way. “A low profiled faculty meeting…because of something that happened to me?! Is that why he got kicked out of school? I can’t believe this…”
“Nick please just…calm down,” The professor pleaded standing up as well. He put his hands out, reaching over to touch Nick’s arms when Nick shook his head and shrugged the man off.
“You don’t know me. You don’t know what I’ve been through…ok?”
The professor nodded his head, agreeing totally with what Nick said. “I just wanted to let you know that if you needed to talk I’m here.”
“I don’t need anybody,” Nick said grimly. “Thanks though…I appreciate it.”
With his books under his arm and back pack over his shoulder, Nick walked out of the office almost in tears at the remembrance of what happened that horrible day. He walked out into the brightly lit hallway and then out the door in the direction of his apartment building. Ignoring any comment directed towards him, Nick pulled his keys out of his pocket and opened up the door quickly. He walked inside and dropped his things on the nearest table. With a heavy sigh, he flopped himself down onto his couch and stared with a blank expression at the TV screen.
It had been nearly four months since he had last seen his life, Alex. It was that horrible day when he had slammed his heart into a vise and let it burst. The inevitable question that seemed to plague the rest of his life; What the hell was he thinking?
Nick never had an answer. He would always come up with reasons degrading himself otherwise branding a label such as loser on his forehead. Never seriously though, Nick could never inflict pain on his body. He was always to big of a wimp that way. Somehow he figured in the long run it would just hurt Alex more and that wasn’t the way he wanted things to work.
He wanted Alex back. He wanted him back so bad he could taste it. Just to hear him talk even if it was to yell in his face, spit on his shoes and then push him over so he landed in a puddle of mud. Nick didn’t care. He missed that man he once knew as his lover, his best friend and his entire life. But Nick believed himself to be dirty, and never returned the phone calls that were made a few days after that horrible day. How could one single day change the course of a man’s life? Nick asked himself that question numerous times.
Now it was merely three days till summer vacation closed the doors to the art institute in San Francisco. Nick turned down any offers to travel to Los Angeles or San Diego to spend the three months of freedom. He wanted to be alone, to wallow in his self pity and regret ever being born.
Wiping the tears of loneliness off of his cheeks, Nick glanced over at his coffee table. He had just tossed his mail down on the table without a second glance. Reaching over he picked up the stack of envelopes before going through each one. Almost through the entire the entire stack, Nick came upon a letter sent to him from an old friend from high school, Kevin Richardson. He was having a get together in their home town in Florida, and was requesting Nick’s appearance. He was going to have all the old guys there including Brian and Howie.
‘Wow,’ Nick thought. He hadn’t seen any of them in what seemed like years. Both Howie and Kevin were a year ahead of him in school and had moved away to school as soon as they graduated. Nick smiled at the memories the four of them shared. Brian was his best friend up through middle school and part of high school. They had a lot of the same classes together but then when Nick’s life seemed to center around Alex, Brian got the clue and started hanging out with other people. ‘I should have realized…’ Nick thought, feeling terrible about everything. He decided then that he would make that trip back to Florida and revisit that place called home he left nearly seven months before.
The remaining days of the school year seemed like a blur to Nick, as did all the days leading up to his discussion with his professor. He spent about ten minutes after class on the final day, apologizing and basically getting his point of view across. There were no hard feelings and the teacher wished Nick a happy vacation. They’d see each other soon enough in the fall quarter.
Nick ran home that day. His bags were packed and a taxi was ready, waiting for him. He had a plane to catch that night, taking him home. With his Discman on, Nick drifted away into what seemed like the first peaceful slumber since he had moved out west. He couldn’t wait to get home. Nobody knew he was coming. His plan was just to show up and surprise everyone. After the party, Nick planned on visiting his parent’s house and then maybe catch up with some other friends of his.
Somewhere over the Midwest, Nick’s eyes slowly woke up and he turned his head to stare out of the window. He thought about his professor and the general concern that seemed to have over come him. He hated how everyone knew, or claimed to know what happened to him. The insecurity of it all was driving him insane, yet he could keep his mind off of Alex. He loved that man so much it was killing him inside not to be with him.
The captain came over the intercom then, interrupting Nick’s thoughts of Alex. Sighing to himself, Nick removed his headphones and shoved them deep inside of his bag. He felt his life was much like that of the decent in the aircraft he was riding in. Except in his life he felt like he was plummeting towards the earth in a flaming spiral.
Walking off of the airplane, Nick headed straight for the baggage claim and retrieved his suitcase. He carried his things out of the airport and towards the nearest main stretch. He flagged down a taxi and put his things into the trunk. After climbing into the passenger seat, Nick decided he’d just go to Kevin’s house and head over to his parent’s afterwards. Reading off the address from the letter, Nick looked up and watched the familiar scenery go by as they drove to his old friend’s house.
Nick had a good feeling about this visit. Landing in Florida seemed to bring some revising in his life. It was like whatever happened in California happened in California, Florida only brought good memories of the past. He couldn’t help but smile, thinking of all the things that were once good in his life that had now turned sour.
“Home to see family?” The cab driver asked turning down a street that would take them to the superb of Tampa. Nick started to shake his head no but then nodded. Asking why he asked that, Nick heard the driver reply, “Cause I see that smile a lot on young men’s faces.”
Humming to himself, Nick watched as they pulled into Kevin’s driveway. There were cars parked along side the curb and the excitement was growing inside of Nick. He quickly paid the driver and then carried his bags up to the doorstep. His finger pushed the doorbell slowly and then he waited.
Kevin came to the door, wearing only a pair of khaki shorts. He smiled brightly once he realized who was on his doorstep. “Nick! Man it’s good to see you,” He said pulling his friend into a hug. “I didn’t know you were gonna show up! Guys…! It’s Nick!”
Brian walked into the room, putting his hand out to shake Nick’s. Howie, Mike, Tommy and Brent all walked out of the back room where they were all playing pool to greet their long lost friend.
Nick laughed at all the attention he was getting, just generally happy to be around people that weren’t questioning what happened to him and Brandon. He got sat down on Kevin’s long corner couch and proceeded to get caught up on all the guys’ lives.
Nearly an hour and a half after Nick showed up, there was a knock at the door. Kevin stood up, announcing that he’d get it and told everyone to wait there.
Somebody asked Nick how school was going and he told him how he really enjoyed all the art classes. The room got quiet and he turned his head to see who everyone was looking at.
If anybody thought it was impossible to have your heart literally break, Nick just proved them wrong. He saw Alex’s face turn from talking to Kevin to look at the room full of now silent guys. His hand was holding that of another man, only a few of the guys knew he was. He went to the local college and was friends with their girlfriends.
“I just…I just…I remembered I told my parents I’d be at their house by um…” Nick stuttered climbing to his feet. Nobody said a word in protest as they watched him walk over to collect his things.
“Nick…stay please,” Kevin whispered going over to stand beside his friend. He looked back at AJ who hadn’t said a thing.
“I can’t…” Nick said in a shaky voice knowing he had to get out of there soon or else he’d start to break down.
Kevin sighed, fidgeting slightly before stuffing his hands into his pockets. “At least let me drop you off.”
Nick muttered a quick ok and dragged his luggage right past AJ and to the garage where Kevin’s truck waited.
“I didn’t know he was here…” AJ whispered to Kevin as the older man walked by.
“That doesn’t matter AJ,” Kevin replied. “And since when have you been with him?”
Alex started to answer but Kevin cut him off, saying he had to take care of Nick and they’d talk later.
Sighing to himself, Alex felt like shit. He should have known not to bring his “friend” over to meet the rest of the guys. It was still soon, but all he wanted to do was try to heal the pains left open by Nick’s actions and harsh words.
“Wait!” He shouted suddenly, scaring everyone in the room. He took off running for the garage and saw Kevin backing out through the garage door.
“I love you Nick! Please!” Alex shouted with tears running down his face. Just seeing Nick, being with him in the same room brought back all the emotions he had ever felt for his love.
Kevin didn’t stop the truck, and the last thing Alex saw was the tailgate driving off down the road.

Popularity: 7% [?]