“I’m going to miss you so much,” AJ whispered, his hands sliding down the inner part of his boyfriend’s jacket. He kissed those full pouty lips softly and just leaned against his lover’s body.
“I don’t want to go anymore.” The voice was soft and whiney, just enough to make AJ ache.
“Baby you gotta go,” He whispered lifting his head. AJ stared into those blue eyes and smiled. “You’ll have so much fun that you’ll forget all about this place.”
The blonde shook his head, his bangs falling down in front of his eyes. “No Alex…I’m going to miss you so much. It hurts just thinking about it.”
AJ nodded, Nick was right. Lips were placed gently on his and a soft sigh escaped his lips. “I love you,” AJ whispered sliding his fingers through Nick’s hair.
“I love you too,” Nick said picking his lover up and holding him tightly against his body. Their lips met back up, and Nick held AJ tighter to his body. He didn’t ever want to let go. AJ opened his eyes and looked down at Nick, smiling slightly.
“You better go,” He whispered before kissing Nick one last time and dropping his arms.
“Come on,” He said grabbing for Nick’s hand.

They walked together towards the front door. AJ picked up the last of Nick’s bags and carried them out of the door. Nick stopped and closed his front door, locking it behind him. He closed his eyes and sighed. It would be a long time before he returned home.

“Come on babe,” AJ said from his car parked in Nick’s driveway. “You’re going to be late for your flight.”
“I know,” Nick whispered walking down his front steps slowly. He casually walked towards AJ’s Durango and climbed into the passenger seat, all his luggage in the back. AJ climbed into the driver’s seat and smiled over at his lover.

“College won’t be so bad baby,” He said trying to lift Nick’s spirits.
Nick nodded his head, slouching down in his seat. “Let’s just go ok?”

AJ didn’t say anything as he started up the engine and backed out of the driveway. He knew this was going to be hard on Nick but he didn’t need attitude about it cause hell, it was hard on him too. He and Nick had been dating roughly for about two and a half years. AJ claims it was love at first sight but Nick says he only liked AJ cause he could play Nintendo to the break of dawn and not get bored. AJ was almost nineteen when he met young sixteen year old Nick. They were worried at first that someone would find out about Nick’s age, or that his parents would try to keep AJ away. But months after Nick came out to them that he was gay, he introduced AJ as his boyfriend. Nick told AJ as long as they were honest with his parents, they wouldn’t mind or try to keep them apart. And that’s exactly what they did; both Nick and AJ were honest with both sets of parents. They wanted their complete support in the relationship, both sides seeing how much in love the two young actually were.

Nick turned eighteen in the middle of his senior year of high school. With permission from his parents, he moved into AJ’s single bedroom apartment. He worked hard throughout high school, saving up enough money so he could go to college and not have to tap too much into his parent’s life savings. He didn’t play basketball like he wanted to, insisting that he spent his extra time either with AJ or working to save up for later. He was always a good kid, keeping his grades up so the scholarships started rolling in about late April to early May of his last year of high school. Nick seemed to be somewhat popular in school, but he never tried to keep a high status.

Having plenty of friends, Nick never considered any of them as a best friend. Not like he considered AJ.

When prom rolled around, no one was surprised that Nick asked AJ to go with him. The couple seemed well known throughout the large high school, people and teachers remembering AJ from when he attended. AJ seemed to be in a different lime light then Nick when it came to school. He liked to cut class, and barely turned in enough work to make sure he passed. He didn’t party or stay out late drinking with ‘the guys’. AJ just would rather spend his time doing something else, something more productive as he saw it. He liked the art of music, whether he was making it, singing it, writing it or just listening. His apartment was set up with the best sound system known to man, or so AJ would always claim. He landed a job right after he graduated at a small recording studio in Orlando. He started out dubbing records for the no named artists that were signed at the label under contract by the studio. After putting in a good three years of work, AJ is now one of the main agents. He speaks on behave of the company to larger labels and tells them why they should give a local band or artist a shot in the mainstream music industry.

That’s how he met Nick. Not because Nick was an artist, he was more into paintings and drawing not the music spectrum. Nick was there on assignment from his art design teacher. She wanted a scene painted that in which someone looks like they are working hard, but enjoying every moment of it. Nick couldn’t think of any other occupation where you need to work hard, yet continue to have fun at the same time other than a pro athletic. Since he wasn’t really into sports, Nick tried the recording studio. His eyes fell upon AJ working on a speech he was to present to a board of executives the next day. Nick gained permission to paint him working, and he fell in love with AJ’s physical features. Being the extremely shy type, Nick finished up his work and went to leave. That’s when AJ stopped him. He had noticed the stares Nick was giving him, and didn’t want to let an opportunity such as this pass him by.

They began dating casually soon after that visit, Nick stopping by every day after school on his way to work to be with AJ on his afternoon breaks. AJ let Nick in on all the secrets of the biz, even singing a few songs in the sound proof recording room. Nick was excited, as it was whenever an artist was in there and he got to watch.

It was about a month or so after they met that AJ proposed the idea that they date exclusively. He was a little afraid of what Nick would say, since the entire gay scene was new to him but he accepted it whole-heartedly. Nick lost his virginity to AJ two weeks later.

AJ had made sure that night was special, but he had never anticipated it would be the night he would first spend with Nick. It was then that AJ realized he would love Nick forever, no matter what else happened.

Nick’s eighteen birthday was spent on a small yacht that AJ’s father owned. He talked him into letting him borrow it, his life on the line if he didn’t return it unharmed and in one piece. The two spent the night under the stars, champagne at their sides. It was then that AJ asked Nick to move in with him. They had talked about it before but this time AJ was serious. He didn’t really want to take no for an answer but he understood the closeness between Nick and his family. But without thinking twice, Nick agreed. He didn’t want to spend any more time away from AJ than he had to.

Their two year anniversary was difficult to say the least. AJ was in New York City on a business trip, and Nick was at home studying for mid semester finals. They talked on the phone for about an hour, telling each other how much they loved each other. AJ promised over and over that he would make it up to Nick. They had the weekend planned but then at the last minute AJ’s boss pulled him into a meeting and told him he had to fly to New York. He knew Nick didn’t want him to go, but of course Nick would never say that. He understood how much AJ loved his job. Nick even told AJ once or twice that he didn’t have to “make” anything up. He was perfectly happy talking to him on the phone since he hadn’t seen him for two days. It was when Nick told AJ how much he missed him, that two realized the true love that bonded them together; even through the miles that separated them. Misty, their golden retriever even voiced an opinion on the matter. Nick giggled and said that she missed AJ almost as much as he did. AJ couldn’t take it. He had to cut the rest of the week short, canceling meetings so he could fly home to see Nick the next day. The surprise was unexpected but not unwelcome. They spent the entire afternoon in each other’s arms, making love and confessing how much they in deed loved each other.

Around the time of Nick’s graduation, things got a little rocky. The couple had lived together for nearly six months, sharing everything. Nick was stressing out, his finals were draining out his energy. His parents kept calling, wanting to know if he had gotten into the college he wanted. That was another thing. College. He wanted to go, he had always wanted to go but that meant leaving AJ. Nick got accepted to the Art Institute of San Francisco. It had always been his dream to go there, but AJ was his life. That was something Nick didn’t want to leave behind.

After some talking, AJ had convinced Nick to go to college. He would gladly wait for him; as long as he had to. But the week before Nick’s graduation, stress levels were running high. Nick had two more finals to take before he was a hundred percent sure that he would be graduating with the rest of his class. His teachers told him repeatedly he would pass without a hitch but Nick didn’t want to be so sure. AJ, was working on three different projects for work, and hadn’t paid as much attention to Nick as he would have liked.

Words were said, and Nick commented on how AJ seemed to be distant towards him. That’s when AJ shot back that Nick was the one who wanted to just up and leave him. Running off to college seemed like the better option for Nick. Nick didn’t have anything to say after that. He gathered up most of his things and left the apartment in tears. AJ tried to apologize, tried to make him stay but Nick was too stubborn and too hurt to listen. He ended up renting his own two bedroom house for the last two months he’d be in Florida.

AJ took that as a test. Would he survive the separation that college was going to bring? He had no idea, but having Nick live across town where AJ couldn’t be drove him insane. AJ would wake up in the middle of the night, roll over and put his arm around Nick’s pillow wishing with everything in him that it was Nick, and not some fluff stuffed inside a cotton bag.

AJ would keep Misty with him, it was a mutual agreement that Nick wouldn’t be able to take good care of her while he was away. He just promised, he would fly back to Florida and visit as much as he could so she could keep AJ happy.

“Baby wake up,” AJ whispered softly. He ran his hand over Nick’s soft cheek and leaned over, kissing his lips gently. “Come on,” He urged again.
Nick’s eyes batted open, slowly at first but then he was awake and sitting up slightly in his sleep. “Where are we?” He yawned.
“Airport,” AJ replied. He ran his hand through Nick’s blonde hair, smiling as Nick yawned again. “You didn’t sleep well last night did you?”
Nick shook his head no and smiled over at AJ. “I couldn’t keep my eyes off of you long enough to fall asleep.”

AJ smiled again. He leaned over in his seat and kissed Nick. He kissed him like he had never kissed him before, and he kissed him like it was a kiss of the century. AJ didn’t want to forget. Nick’s hands were on the back of his neck, rubbing over the short hairs gently. Their tongues battled together, both men moaning softly as they fought to control their hormonal surges.

“I love you,” Nick breathed as he pulled back.
AJ nodded immediately. “I love you too.”

They stared at each other for several minutes, smiles on their faces but fear and wonder in their eyes. Nick looked into AJ’s brown eyes in question, his hand holding onto his lover’s chin while his thumb went lazily over the small stubble line on AJ’s jaw bone.

“I…” Nick started to speak but stopped himself. He leaned forward quickly and kissed AJ’s lips lovingly and then engulfed him in a warm embrace. AJ sighed, his eyes closing and arms going around Nick’s body. This was too damned hard.
“I’m going to miss you so much,” Nick said sadly as he hugged onto AJ a little more. AJ nodded, he too would miss Nick.
“It’s only for seven months. Then you’ll be home for two,” AJ reminded softly. Nick sniffled, his mouth right next to AJ’s ear. He took in his scent, he took in his touch and everything that went along with him. Nick was scared to leave.

“Come on,” AJ said being the strong one. “It’s time we went inside and got you on board to the west coast.”

Nick looked at AJ’s eyes, he tried to open his mouth and beg but Nick knew this is what he wanted to do with his life. This was something he had to do now for if he stayed with AJ then, he would never accomplish his goals. Nodding his head, Nick pushed his blonde hair back behind his ears and climbed out of the vehicle. He walked around the back and opened up the trunk. He quietly pulled out all his luggage, AJ running off towards the elevator to find a push cart for all of them. They left the parking garage in silence and then entered the terminal with no more than a few words exchanged. AJ pushed the cart containing all of Nick’s luggage down the main area of the airport, waiting patiently as Nick checked in and got his boarding pass from the front desk.

“Baggage check in is around the corner,” Nick said pointing in the right direction before he stuffed his ticket into the back pocket of his jeans.
AJ started pushing the cart along side of Nick. He knew where check in for bags was, result of having to go to the airport all the time either picking up clients or flying off to different points of the country on business.

“You checking them all in?” AJ asked once they made it to the front of the line.
Nick turned and looked back at him, nodding his head. “Yeah except for my backpack. It has my iPod and stuff in it.”

They began to load all of Nick’s stuff up onto the convey belt, the lady behind the counter tagging each one with a label containing all of Nick’s vital information. After all that was taken care of, AJ pushed the cart down to the return slot so it could be used for somebody else. He waited for Nick, who was busy getting his backpack on his shoulders and then they took off for the security check point. AJ watched Nick closely as he walked through the metal detector. Not a single beep. It was AJ’s turn and he walked through.

Beep beep beep.

‘Damn it,’ AJ thought as he emptied out his pockets and walked through again.

Beep beep beep.

“For crying out loud,” AJ groaned. The man at the gate had him step out of the way so he could do the individual detector.
“I think it’s your belt,” Nick said pointing to the crotch of AJ’s pants. The security guard scanned the device up and down AJ’s body, it only beeping when it passed AJ’s waist.
“Can you take off your belt?” The man asked and AJ shook his head. “Why not?”
“My pants will fall to my ankles,” AJ replied quite honestly. Never the less, AJ had to remove his belt and hold his pants tightly in fear that they wouldn’t fall. The guard figured it was just the belt that was beeping and allowed AJ to put it back on. They were given permission to proceed. Nick smiled at AJ as they started walking towards the correct gate.

“Shut up you,” AJ said with a teasing grin.
“I didn’t say anything,” Nick protested bumping into AJ playfully. AJ shook his head and laughed.
“I was kinda hoping you’d lose your pants though,” Nick whispered as he moved his mouth next to AJ’s ear. AJ linked his arm around Nick’s and rested his head against Nick’s shoulder. He sighed contently as their walk turned into a stroll once they reached the correct departure gate.

“This is it,” Nick whispered turning to face AJ after his flight was announced to have arrived on time. AJ nodded and then wrapped his arms around Nick’s waist. He looked up into those blue eyes he loved so much and smiled.
“I love you Alex,” Nick whispered. He leaned down and rubbed his nose against AJ’s. AJ couldn’t stop smiling, even though he knew it would be a long time till he saw Nick again.
“And I you,” He replied kissing Nick’s lips quickly. “Maybe I’ll get a nice long weekend where I’ll have to fly out and see you.”
“Maybe,” Nick smiled. “I hope maybe turns into surely, and that surely is someday soon.”
“Me too,” AJ said tracing his finger over Nick’s lower lip before they kissed. The kiss was long and passionately, neither bothered by those around them. It would be months before they would be in each other’s arms, and they wanted to remember their last moment together forever. They wanted to be able to remember the salty taste of the other, the warmth of their arms and how their heart swelled when the other said I love you.

Finally AJ pulled back, his hands on Nick’s chest. “They called your row number,” He mumbled staring up at Nick.
Nick nodded. “I know they did.”
“Go,” AJ said pushing Nick gently towards the tarmac. “Go get on your plane baby.”

Nick’s mouth opened, he was going to protest and change his mind one final time to stay there with AJ but he didn’t. He whispered I love you and then turned, walking the rest of the way to the lady at the open door. He handed her his ticket and then turned to wave at AJ. Blowing him a quick kiss, Nick entered the small shoot that would lead him onto the plane and never looked back. His seat was luckily next to the window. He sat down and pushed the blind up. He saw AJ standing there, he wasn’t looking directly at him but Nick knew he was staring at the plane. Nick cupped his hands just so, bending his fingers a little more so they formed a heart. He pressed them against window and then peered out the one next to his. He saw AJ smiling and that’s when the plane started to move.

Nick looked down at the printed out piece of paper in front of him. It was his monthly progress report. He had to send it out to everyone that was giving him scholarships so they were absolutely sure he was doing well in school or else they would have to pull back some of their donations. He sighed heavily, and looked at the row of A’s that lined his paper. ‘One month down,’ He thought as he stuffed the paper in his pocket and picked up his things. For awhile he had been a little worried that his teacher’s wouldn’t appreciate all his art projects being of the same nature; AJ. But Nick couldn’t help it. He missed him so much that it hurt to climb in bed at night. His dreams were full of memories and happy endings that AJ held in Nick’s heart. Nick shook his head, he wasn’t going to get all depressed and upset again. He would just catch the trolley to the dorms and call AJ, even if he did have to wake him up.

“Hey Nick!” Someone shouted from behind him. Nick knew who it was and began to walk a little faster.
“Nick wait up!”
Then the hand was on his shoulder, stopping Nick from walking any further. ‘Damn it,’ Nick thought as he was stopped just under the large tree in the middle of the court yard that the campus contained.
“What can I do for you Brandon?” Nick asked. He hated this guy. It was like he was the school’s bully and loved pestering Nick to the last little thread broke.
“I wanted to see if I could borrow your sketch notes from class today,” Brandon said with a shrug. Nick eyed him carefully. The man seemed to have other motives.
“I don’t have them with me,” Nick lied turning to continue on his way. “Sorry,” He said as he started walking down the long flight of stairs. Nick heard Brandon on his tail, and he cursed under his breath.
“You sure?” Brandon questioned grabbing Nick’s arm once again.
Nick shrugged him off and nodded. “Yeah. Sorry I don’t have them.”
Brandon shook his head and practically pulled Nick down the rest of the stairs. “I don’t believe you,” He said.

“What do you want from me?” Nick asked becoming very aware that they were headed back towards the school. He needed to get home, the last trolley left at six and it was already forty-five after. The sun had set and Nick was worried that Brandon was going to pull something. When he didn’t get an answer, Nick asked where they were going. Brandon still didn’t say a word. Nick surveyed the situation quickly. Brandon was at least four inches taller than he was, wider and stronger too. Things didn’t seem to be waving in his favor.

Brandon pushed open a side door and walked back into the main building, Nick’s arm still in his grasp.
“You sure you don’t have those notes?” Brandon asked opening up another door and pushing Nick inside. The room was dark but Brandon was quick to hit the light switch.
“I…I…I could check,” Nick stuttered as Brandon moved closer towards him.
Brandon shook his head and ran the back of his finger down Nick’s cheek. “Don’t worry about it now.”
Nick’s eyes followed Brandon’s finger and he asked why.
“Because…” Brandon said softly before he pressed his lips forcefully against Nick’s. Nick pushed Brandon away from him, his books falling to the floor of the small storage room.
“What the hell do you think you are doing?” Nick asked in disgust.
“Getting my notes,” Brandon sneered as he turned Nick around and pushed him against the wall.
“Don’t do this,” Nick threatened feeling his pants getting pulled down to his knees. “Please,” He begged as tears suddenly swelled up in his eyes. Brandon didn’t speak a word.

Nick’s head was rested against the wall, tears falling down his cheeks as he felt hands on his ass. They spread his cheeks apart and then he screamed.
The pain was horrible. Nick had never felt anything like that, his body was splitting in two and all he could do was scream over and over. The tears flowed like a massive flood on a waterfall. Nick’s mind couldn’t take the anguish any longer and shut his system down into auto pilot. He didn’t feel anything, he didn’t hear anything. He didn’t see, or taste or smell a thing. He was in a black room, his eyes fixed on the same spot on the furthest wall. Nick’s throat seemed to have closed off and he couldn’t breath. Why was this happening? How could he let this happen to himself?

He then heard someone talking to him, and then a sharp pain as someone smacked his backside. His trembling body crumbled to the floor and he was alone. Curling up into the tightest ball imaginable, Nick sobbed. He couldn’t take it anymore, he couldn’t take being alone.

Hours passed, and Nick finally climbed up to his feet. He zipped up his ripped jeans and collected his books. The tears never seemed to stop as Nick quietly made his way out of the storage room. The school was deserted by now and he crept his way down the hallway. Nick looked over his shoulder, over and over again as he made his way to the main street that would lead him down the fourteen blocks to his dorm room. It was after nine o’clock that night, and Nick had no other way of getting home. He fixed the strap on his backpack and began his journey. His mind went over what had happened, making a decision on what he should do to “fix” it.

Dumping his keys on the closest table, Nick grabbed his cordless telephone and dialed AJ’s number. He knew it was almost twelve over there but he had to talk to Alex. One ring, two and then finally on the third there was a hello.

“Alex?” Nick sniffled slightly.
“Baby? Nick what’s wrong?” AJ said in alarm sitting up in his bed.
Nick closed his eyes and sighed. ‘Do this Carter,’ He commanded himself. His mind kept repeating that if AJ found out, he would hate him. He would disown him and never at him the same again.
“I can’t…” Nick started and then rubbed his fingertips over his eye lids. “I can’t date you any more Alex.”
“What? Why?” AJ questioned not sure if he should believe Nick or not.
“Things are just getting to complicated and hard with you being way over there and me being here,” Nick said as honestly as he could.
“I see,” AJ nodded, his beating heart breaking with each word Nick said. “Care to explain this decision of yours to me?”
Nick shook his head and then realized that AJ couldn’t see him. “Not right now, no…I can’t.”

AJ went to question why not when he was met with the dial tone. He looked down at the phone questionably and then slowly hung up. His mind went over what Nick had just told him, and his eyes closed up tightly and his hands turned into fists as he punched the wall right behind his bed. The sheetrock grumbled against AJ’s rage.

AJ called in the next morning, requesting a few days off for personal leave. He was granted three days at the max. Quickly booking a flight to California, AJ packed a few bags and then dropped Misty off at a local kennel to be taken care of.

He sat on the plane, his mp3 player on repeat as he thought of Nick. AJ had to understand, he had to find out what had happened to make Nick do what he did. His eyes slowly closed on their own, needing sleep. Something AJ didn’t get much of the night before. Within minutes it seemed, AJ was awoken by one of the stewardess nudging him awake. It was time to put his seat belt on and descend down to the airport. Watching the ground below get closer and closer, the butterflies in AJ’s stomach worsened. What if Nick didn’t want to see him? What if he wouldn’t even talk to him?

‘I have to give it a shot,’ AJ thought. He wasn’t going to be ok with Nick’s decision, especially when they almost had four years behind them. He was going to fight.

He picked up his bag at baggage claim and hailed a taxi as soon as he stepped outside. AJ told him where to go, knowing Nick’s address by heart. The drive was just under half an hour and AJ tossed the taxi driver a fifty dollar bill.

“Keep the change,” AJ said as he grabbed his bag and closed the door swiftly behind him. He walked up the small steps to the front door of the dorm building and went straight to the elevator.
“Did you hear what happened last night?” One of the girls on the elevator asked the other.
“No,” The other said shaking her head. “What happened?”
“Brandon is going around saying that he finally got Nick Carter to sleep with him. They did it in the storage room of the Graphics building.”
“No way. You have to be totally lying!” The second girl exclaimed.
The first girl shook her head and insisted it was true. “Bran told me first thing this morning at breakfast in the food court. He said Nick even offered to do it again sometime, just in the Art building with those special paints Mr. Johnson was talking about…you know the eatable kind they sell downtown at the pier.”

AJ just about lost his lunch as he got off on the correct floor. Was that the reason Nick broke up with him? Because he cheated on him, slept with another guy and then offered for more.

“No,” AJ said sadly, on the verge of tears. He shook his head as he made it down the hallway and to Nick’s dorm room. He knocked on the door and waited patiently for someone to answer.

Finally the door opened up and Nick stood there looking like death had paid him an early morning visit. He realized who was standing at his doorstep and his eyes seemed to have bugged out of his head.
“Alex what are you doing here?”
“I came…I came to see you,” AJ replied softly. “I wanted to know why you broke my heart.”
Nick leaned against the door, his mind thinking of what to say.
“I guess I heard enough on the elevator then huh?” AJ questioned, biting his lower lip as he looked away from Nick.
Nick’s mouth dropped open in shock, what had he heard?
“What?” Nick asked. “What did you hear on the elevator?”
AJ’s head snapped back around and looked at Nick. His eyes seemed to bore a whole into Nick’s as he opened his mouth to speak. “You cheated on me…with some guy named Brandon. It’s all over school now how you offered to do it again.”
Nick shook his head instantly, tears flooding his eyes once again. “No,” Nick sobbed. “I didn’t do that, I swear to God AJ I didn’t do that. I would never do that to you.”
AJ couldn’t take Nick crying any longer and moved to stand inside the small little room. “Then what?” He asked softly.
Nick looked down at his hands, the front door swinging shut. His eyes lifted and he mumbled, “He raped me last night Alex.”
“He what?!” AJ asked in alarm, his arms immediately going around Nick’s body. He wanted to comfort Nick, he wanted to let him know it was ok and that he was there to protect him. But Nick pushed him away.
“What are you doing?” AJ asked in confusion.
Nick pointed to the door and said, “Get out. I don’t want you here. I’m dirty…”
“No,” AJ said shaking his head. “There’s nothing wrong with you baby, please.”
Nick wiped his hands over his face and looked back at AJ with pleading in his eyes.
“Go Alex. I don’t need you here, I don’t want you here…I don’t want to see you any more.”
AJ didn’t know what to say or do, Nick wasn’t being rational and the only thing that would make him happy at the moment is if he did leave. And that’s what AJ finally decided to do. He picked up his bag and walked to the door. He stopped halfway out and turned back around, tears making clear tracks down his cheeks. “I love you Nickolas. I always have and always will.”

Nick waved his hand, dismissing AJ and his words before he turned and walked into his bedroom, slamming the door closed behind him. AJ jumped at the slamming of the door. That door closing seemed to be his life, with Nick, closing once and for all. He never thought he would have to see the day when he would willingly have to let Nick go. AJ shook his head sadly, the pain in his chest worsening.

Finally he reached out and took the doorknob into his hand and closed the front door silently, planning on going back to Florida to figure out how the hell he was going to live the rest of his life.

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