His sneakers made a soft padded noise as he walked across the snow covered parking lot. The journey he made from the parking stall that seemed to always be open to him to the inside of the hospital wing was always the same. Head held high, a book in his wrinkled hands and a somber look. The nurses all knew his name. It wasn’t because of the fame or all the money had in the bank. It was because of his love and dedication that brought him to the hospital each day, rain or shine. The snow didn’t bother him as he waited patiently for the sliding doors to open for him. His body didn’t move as fast as it once did but he knew he’d get to his destination soon enough. Once he reached that room, all was forgotten.

The old man stepped off of the elevator and waved to the charge nurses behind the desk. They greeted him and gave him a warm smile. No matter which shift it was, the nurses were always happy to see the old man and vice versa. He shuffled down the corridor and finally turned to the door that had the numbers 528 on it. His long fingers traced the numbers for a brief second as he held his breath. Many swore he did this each day before entering so he could say a silent prayer but nobody ever questioned the old man.

Once his ritual was finished, he put his hand on the door handle and quietly pushed it open. The doctor was inside today, checking on the patient lying there in bed. Holding his breath once again, the old man froze in his spot near the door. The young doctor looked up, smiled and waved him closer. Inch by inch he went, his eyes taking in the site before him. Changes in the patient’s health was given and the doctor continued to go over a few things but the old man wasn’t really listening. His eyes were glued to that face that he had loved for so many years, and love till the end of time. When the doctor realized his words weren’t being absorbed, he put his hand on the older man’s shoulder and excused himself. He was going to go finish doing his rounds and leave the two of them alone.

He pushed the chair up closer to the bed, almost until it touched the bed. The older man had to be close to his love lying there sleeping, under so many drugs that it was sometimes days before waking to say a few words. The man was always thankful for those few brief moments. It was one of the many reasons why he spent nearly every moment of his day there, sitting beside the bed. The regret he’d feel if his love awoke to find he had gone outside for fresh air would tear him up inside. Reaching out, he ran his hand down the side of the most beautiful face he had ever seen. Even at their age, the older man saw no other like the one before him. After a few minutes, he pulled away and looked down at the book in his lap.

“I brought the pictures again,” He said out loud in a soft voice. His fingers pushed open the front cover and before him was a picture the two of them had taken nearly sixty years prior. It was in Nashville, a weekend neither would ever forget. The old man let out a sad sigh and looked back up at the lifeless body in front of him. His throat was starting to swell and close off. Tears threatened to fill up his eyes. Swallowing hard, he looked back at the scrapbook in front of him. They had worked on it together, one weekend when they had purchased their home in the Colorado Rockies. It had been a blizzard for days and yet neither one cared. All they needed was within the walls of their home.

“Do you remember that time in Nashville baby?” His voice was staggering with emotion. “The first time we kissed. I pretty much backed you up against the wall and let you have it. I was so scared of what you’d do or say but I had to. I’m so thankful that I did too. I’d go through all the nerves a million times over to kiss you again for the first time.”

He let out a light, struggled chuckle. Taking a deep breath, he let it out slow and looked down at the pictures. He flipped the page and looked back at the bed.

“The doctors don’t know how much longer we have together on this earth. I don’t want you to be scared. I don’t want you to be afraid to go forward or fighting anything. I know you’ll be stubborn and fight as long as you can so you don’t leave me. But baby, I’ll be with you again…really soon. The physical pain you feel here won’t matter. The time we’ll be apart will be a blink of an eye compared to spending eternity together.”

Tears were starting to drip down his cheeks one by one. Some how he knew this might be the last time he talked to his lover and he wanted to make sure he said all the things he needed to say.

“You know how much I love you? I know you do, even though it will always be more than you love me. I could never hate you, no matter how mad you made me. Since I first met you, we’ve had this unspeakable bond. You have given me so much love and joy, brought so much into my life that I don’t even know where to begin. Our first baby, Sadie. She was so spoiled that anybody could see she ran the whole house. Each puppy we had after that got much better, though they were all our pride and joy.”

A finger reached up to catch a few tears.

“The kids are flying in to see us in the next few days. Denise is finishing up a fashion show in Milan otherwise she would have been here a lot sooner. You’re going to be so proud of everything she’s done in the last little while. I’ll give you a hint and say that she has a new label. She named it after her daddy. It’s called Bone and has a scull for the o. It looks like stuff you used to wear baby. She gave me some pj pants, one for me and one for you. I forgot to bring it but next time I’ll make sure I don’t forget. I’ll see if the nurse can put you in them. I wore mine last night and they are pretty comfortable. Junior, he’s taking after his daddies. He has sold out shows the rest of this week in New York. He took pictures for us to see his name in the big lights in Times Square. He told me on the phone this morning before breakfast that they couldn’t fit Alexander James McLean Jr son of Backstreet Boys AJ McLean so it just says JR son of AJ from BSB. I don’t even know if people still remember who we are. Junior says they do, I guess that is a good thing in a way. Well if it helps him out. He’s really excited to take some time off and come to see us too. He’s bringing his snowboarding gear so he can go out for a few hours. Let’s just hope this weather doesn’t turn worse or else the kids won’t be able to make it. Though I wouldn’t be surprised if Junior didn’t have Denise fly in to New York and they drive here in a Hummer if they have too.”

His thoughts and memories of their two children were floating his mind. The two had worked so hard to get everything approved and had dealt with a lot of negativity over the years. Eventually people began to except them and their family. Though there wasn’t anything either would to protect either of their babies. Just the idea of their children losing one of them ripped his heart to shreds.

“I wish you could see them. They are so strong, and so beautiful. Just like you. So independent, yet so caring. I swear they don’t have a mean bone in their body. We really lucked out when we had them. You’re going to be so proud when they catch you up with everything that they’ve been doing. Junior is getting into saving dolphins because of me and Denise donates all of her clothes to charities after each show. They just are…perfect. I still wish I could keep them from growing up but then I wouldn’t get to see them grow up to adults and head out into the world. I don’t know how we were able to live our lives before they entered our world.”

He wiped at his eyes and sniffled a little. Reaching over, he grabbed a tissue off of the nightstand and reached over to grab the hand that was halfway draped over the bed. He gave it a little squeeze. He was breaking down.

“I can’t do this without you. I don’t know how to live nor can I breath without you near. How can I go on each day knowing I won’t see your face? Your voice was always the only one I heard in a crowded room and if you leave me, I don’t know when I’ll hear it again. You are the one person I have known all but thirteen years of my life. You know every inch of me, every flaw, every freckle…how can I ever replace that? You are my one. Thank you. Thank you for everything you’ve done, either for me or against. Thank you for every memory I’ve had the pleasure of sharing with you. Thank you for choosing me to be the one, the one to share my entire being with. Thank you for being who you are, for all the wrongs you’ve made and every time you allowed me to pick you up when you fell down. You never judged me or criticized me when I made mistakes. After all of your alcohol and drug abuse, you didn’t stop me for going down that path but allowed me to trip and fall – picking me up and being that shoulder when I needed it. Thank you for making me the happiest person in the world the day you married me, the day we had our children and every day since I was a thirteen year old boy with the biggest dreams imaginable. You were my chance at a happily ever after. You were the one, holding on, holding out for me. You didn’t allow me to be blind, you knew my voice and you walked out of my dreams. We were face to face – never imagining. We were sure from day one that it was real – whatever we felt, there was no turning around. Deep down we both knew how it would end before it even begin. Thank you…for being unmistakable.”

“Nick..”

The small voice snapped him to attention and he looked down at the dark brown eyes peering up at him. His hand cupped the other’s cheek and started to cry softly.

“I’m here baby,” He whispered, trying to smile. “I’m here.”

“I love you Nick.”

Nick cried some more and he nodded, sniffling loudly. “I love you more AJ….”

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